You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
