wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
