so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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