ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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