I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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