I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
