are you still at the devil's house?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
