He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
