The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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