I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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