My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
