I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
