Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
