Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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