So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
