Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
