I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
