Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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