At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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