Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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