god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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