Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
my poor anus
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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