I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
