i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
