Your face is a jimmy john
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
