I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
