Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
