Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
be right there i have to get my cape
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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