when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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