youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
