btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
