Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
