I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
