someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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