I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
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