I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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