Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
zippers are such a cool invention
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
