If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize