dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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