my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
