Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
