Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
