It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
