yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
