The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
