My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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