I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
