Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
