she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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