You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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