My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize