went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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