we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I have fence marks all over my body
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize