what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
