Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
