please come you make the beer taste better
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
