Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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