Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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