You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
