Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
