the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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