I will die if light touches me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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