last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
