I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize