i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
