Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
