Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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