my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
