did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
