My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
