i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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