I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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