If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
