there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize