I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
