Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
