last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think people are normalizing furries
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
