So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
