Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
