we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Everything about him screamed your future.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
