Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
